Q: How to handle a young son fighting back physically?

Dealing with physical aggression can be difficult and in the moment it is hard to determine the proper course of action. Your child is likely expressing anger or frustration and is ill-equipped to handle these emotions appropriately. Here are some things to consider with your son:

• Be proactive. If your son does not have the tools necessary to control his anger, give them to him. Teach him how to calm himself down with techniques such as deep breathing, squeezing or having calm down time or show him how to crumple paper or punch a pillow instead. Make pictures (visuals) as a reminder of what he can do if you feel this will help.

• Be a role model. Make sure you are demonstrating appropriate ways of dealing with anger. Children learn through imitation and you are their number one role model.

• Remain calm. The last thing you should do, yet the thing that feels most natural, is to yell and become confrontational in order to get your son to stop. Remember, he is expressing anger and getting in his face will likely make the situation worse instead of better.

• Give him the words. Help your son understand how he feels by labeling his emotions. “I can tell you are mad because...” or “[This happened] and it clearly upset you.” Never disregard or make fun of their feelings.

• Remove yourself. As long as your child is not in a situation of harm, it is okay to walk away and go to another room. Simply explain to them that you need a break and that you will return when he is calm.

• Take advantage of his calm state. Once the aggressive behaviour has passed and your son has calmed down, have an open and honest talk about his behaviour. Explain why it is wrong and review the appropriate actions he can take instead.