Q: My child is an attention-seeker. How do I change her?

Children, by nature, seek attention and approval. How they attain this attention depends on what works for them, whether it be receiving praise for positive behavior or a reprimand for a negative behavior. For the most part, children do not differentiate between the two.

How and Why Do They Seek Attention?

Some children seek attention by eliciting sympathy while others act out or misbehave. Some reasons they may do this is because they are seeking control of a situation or they are not receiving enough attention.

Types of Attention

There are 3 types of attention: Positive attention, negative attention and no attention. Positive attention involves focusing on and giving attention to positive and appropriate behaviors. Negative attention occurs when you give attention to negative behavior, often in the form of getting upset, yelling, threatening, etc. No attention is when you ignore a behavior and pay no attention at all to it.

How to Decrease Unwanted Behavior

Obviously, you are going to want to avoid and eliminate providing negative attention in order to rid of the attention-seeking behavior. You do this in 2 ways:

1. Catching good behavior.
2. Ignoring bad behavior.

When a child’s behavior is not reinforced, or ignored, they get nothing out of the attention seeking behavior – there is no pay off for them. When you praise and draw attention to positive behavior, your child is more likely to repeat that behavior in the future.

Ignoring a behavior does not mean ignoring the problem. If there is a specific reason that your child engages in attention seeking behavior, such as not enough attention at home, be sure to give your little one more quality one-on-one attention.