Q: A child takes things that don't belong to him. How to change this ?

It’s important to understand that young children have no concept of the idea of “stealing”. For toddlers, possession means ownership and, especially under the age of 4, everything is “mine”. When a small child takes something that does not belong to them, yet something they desire, they don’t have the capacity to understand that this is wrong until told so by a parent. Children don’t begin to develop a notion of wrongness when it comes to stealing until they are around 5-7 years old. This is around the time they begin to understand that the whole world does not belong to them.

All this being said about the natural development of a child’s sense of right and wrong, it is still important for parents to help their children learn honesty, impulse control, delayed gratification and respect for others.

You can teach your child these values by modeling them yourself by showing respect to their belongings and being open and honest with them. Rewarding honesty comes a long way too, since your child may fear telling the truth if they are punished for it. If your child is stealing, help them to correct the act by returning the item or paying for it and giving an apology. Use this as a moment to teach, not to punish. Explain the emotional consequence their action had on the person they stole from.

For example:

Your child takes a chocolate bar from a store and you discover it in their pocket when you get home. Ask them where the chocolate bar came from and encourage them to give you an honest answer. (Unless you are 100% sure that your child is lying, do not coerce an answer simply because you believe it to be true.)

Go back to the store and have your child return it to the clerk. Explain to the child how taking from a store can make the cashier feel hurt or sad (bonus points to the cashier if they work a convincing frown – extra points for tears). Also let your child know how disappointed you are.

Never punish a child for stealing by taking a possession of theirs. If you feel the need to suspend an activity at home as a means of discipline, make sure your child understands that they will get their item back.

Lastly, figure out if there is an underlying reason as to why your child keeps taking things that do not belong to him/her. Is he venting anger? Is he trying to fulfill a need? Take a look at your family situation: perhaps your child needs more attention or supervision. If all else fails, never hesitate to speak to a professional regarding this situation.