Q: How to handle teenage son with aggressive behavior to other kids and some even me ?

First and foremost, if you ever feel that your teenager is threatening your safety, or the safety of others, never hesitate to seek help from friends, family and even the police.

That being said, the first step in dealing with your son’s aggressive behavior is understanding why he is acting this way. Teenagers, while they may seem physically grown and mature, do not have a fully developed cortex – the area of the brain that controls emotions and reasoning. Because of this, they are not fully equipped to recognize complicated emotions within themselves and others and tend to misread most emotions as anger.

Your teenaged son may be feeling frustrated, scared, embarrassed, misunderstood or vulnerable and is not properly equipped to deal with these feelings. He may be defaulting to anger. This does not excuse any aggressive or inappropriate behaviors and there are ways you can help guide him through this challenging time:

1. Boundaries, Rules and Consequences

During a calm time, when you and your teen are in a neutral or happy mood, discuss their emotions outbursts and the consequences for lashing out. Most importantly, be consistent with enforcing consequences. For example, acts of aggression may result in losing privileges or police involvement.

2. Recognize and Explore the Anger

Show your son that you recognize that he is angry, even if you don’t fully understand why. Never dismiss his feelings. Instead, work with your son (and healthcare professionals if necessary) to figure out why these behaviors are occurring.

3. Know the Warning Signs and Triggers

Your son may exhibit certain behaviors before he becomes aggressive, such as headaches or angry pacing. Knowing the signs will help you diffuse the anger before it gets out of control – and teaching your son to recognize the triggers will help him learn self control.

4. Find Healthy Ways to Express Anger

Everyone gets angry but it is important to teach your son how to express his anger in a healthy way. Something like a punching bag can help release physical tension when he is upset or participation in a physical sport may help to keep his emotional system better regulated. If your son is introverted, art and music may help to relieve angry feelings.

5. Give Them a Safe Space

Teenagers are determined to exercise their independence and tend to see the slightest parental involvement as meddlesome and overbearing. Give your son a space where he can safely vent without you following them or demanding apologies. This could be his bedroom, the garage or another private place in your home.

6. Be a Role Model

If you lose your mind when you get angry and upset, your son will emulate your behavior. By remaining calm, you are demonstrating to your son the proper way to deal with anger.