Q: How to help kids build confidence and never give up especially in a peer pressure environment?

In my daughter’s Taekwondo class, I saw a parent who asked the coach to make sure that the other kids in the class do not tease her son for being slower in picking up the moves as he was on the plumper side. She said that her son’s morale was affected and he did not enjoy the class. Her son was also there and from his stooped posture and lowered head, it is quite clear that the coach’s assurance did nothing to restore his confidence nor interest in the sport.

I believe that a big part of building up one child's confidence is balancing the urge to protect your child with giving your child space to explore, experience the discomfort of trying something that is unfamiliar and ultimately finding their own way to adjust and problem solve. A parent role would be to guide them to find the solutions for themselves rather than to solve the problem for them.

I would recommend the following:
         1). If your child comes to you with a problem, asks how does he think it can be solved and help him along the way with his ideas. Using the above scenario as an example, one can ask if he is bothered by their comments and how he thinks he might solve the problem. He might propose practicing harder at home, to ask the kids that teased him to help him with his moves, or if he is really bothered by the teasing to signal subtly for the coach to step in.
        2). Build up your child's confidence by asking him to help out at home. This could be in anything big or small. For example, helping to clean the fish tank, or planning a day out. Allow your child to make decisions where possible. Eg. For an older kid, when travelling, you might ask them to plan the places to go and how to get there.
       3). Celebrate small wins. Any progress no matter how small should be cheered on so that the child is focused on the process and not the outcome. If the proposed solution that the child has come up with is not effective, focus on finding alternatives together.
      4).Pick up a sport. Sports especially in a group setting helps the child to develop healthy habits such as setting targets, working to achieve them and yet at the same help having the resilience to deal with losing or falling behind their peers. These skills can easily be applied to other situations.

Even as we try out these approaches, it is also important to recognise that the child might not be as willing to suggest solutions and may need more help to do so at the start. It would be just as important to break up the problems into smaller tasks that your child can manage. If it appear too daunting, they may be discouraged from even trying.